Once upon a time there was a Greek guy called Sisyphus, who decided it would be sweet to majorly piss of Zeus, king of the Gods, by telling everyone about the kinky godsex Zeus was having with his own niece-in-law or dad or something. Zeus though, he didn’t think it was such a marvellous idea, so he banished Sisyphus to the underworld, where Sisyphus was forced to carry a huge rock up to the top of a hill, at which point the rock would giggle, turn around and roll back down. Sisyphus was a moron, so he went back and tried again. For all eternity.

What I’m trying to say with all this is simple: I’m an extra on Home & Away, and I fucking hate it. No, it’s got nothing on eternal rock-carrying, but by God, it’s trying. After a year of working there, the Seven Network is $970 poorer with nothing to show for it. I’ve been seen on the show a grand total of twice, neither encounter lasting for more than two seconds. Congratulations, Channel Seven! You think you pay me $20 an hour, but you’re actually paying me $242.50 a second. Holy fuck, not even Bill Gates earns that much. I’m pretty much the richest man alive.

Why is this bad, you say? I shovel shit for minimum wage at McDonalds, you say? I live in a third world country without running water, you say? Can it. Tomorrow I have to travel to Palm-fucking-Beach. That’s an hour and a half each way. I hope a war breaks out, so I don’t have to go. In fact, I’ll start one. And I’ll make sure Channel Seven’s studio is destroyed in the process, that way they’ll be forced to relocate somewhere more convenient, like the North Pole.

I want a new job and I want it before tomorrow. So, when the thing I needed most in the world was to be advised about careers, I did the natural thing and turned the verb into a noun, and added the suffix ‘-er’. To my delight, it turns out that my local educational facility actually stocks one of these “Adviseders” and that he even specialises in the field of careers-related advising. Problem solved?

I wish. Turns out the bastard doesn’t know shit about careers, which should have been obvious, since if he knew so much about careers, his career wouldn’t be advising other people about careers. Oh well, I guess I’ll just take my ridiculous quantities of money and buy some cocaine.

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