That’s my simple formula, and since the majority of the Earth’s population rolls around in the metaphorical filth of its own stupidity, democracy isn’t ever going to work. You see, we think we’re all living in real democracies, but we’re not. In fact, most countries prance around the banner of democracy while sacrificing the blood of virgins to their real agenda: tyranny. Bush was a tyrant because he decided that the democratic process was so beneath him, that he was going to take a shit on it, forget to wipe, and then give an executive order to restrict stem-cell research. Australia didn’t want to go to Iraq, but the Prime Minister did, so off we went.

Not convinced? Well, history’s already proven me right: Hitler lived in what was at the time the most democratic country in the world. He came to power the same way Bush did – idiots voted for him. But there’s one difference between Bush and Hitler – Hitler gave us something for our troubles: an incredibly potent analogy. Comparing things to Hitler is fast, easy and effective. In fact, I do it all the time.

Speaking of Nazism, Australians might remember the One Nation Party, or as I like to call it, the No Asians Party, founded by Pauline Hanson – the redhead bigot who decided that because her family immigrated from England, she has the sacred right to live in Australia and no one else does. According to her, this was also the view of 90% of Australians. Well, since 90% of Australians are European, and since there probably aren’t that many non-Europeans who hate themselves, according to Pauline Hanson, every single European in Australia is a racist.

Thankfully, it turns out it wasn’t 90%, but actually 10%, since that’s the representation the One Nation Party got in parliament. If that doesn’t concern you, then this should: then-Prime Minister John Howard refused to speak up against Pauline Hanson because “she represented the views of many Australians.” Good work, you dipshit. Labor represents the views of many Australians as well.

By the way, just because lots of people think something, doesn’t make it any less moronic. While we’re on the topic, during the last elections, I was unfortunate enough to find a pamphlet from the Australian Christian Party. Luckily it was in the garbage bin, so my service to the community was already done. I did, however, catch a glimpse of the slogan on the front, which said:

“99% of Australians think that Muslim immigration is detrimental to this country. The Australian Christian Party votes for the immediate cessation of immigration from all Muslim countries.”

Despite the fact that this seems like an accurate, reasonable and supportable figure, I thought I ought to go on the internet and do some research of my own. Turns out, 1.5% of Australia’s population is Muslim, which means that not only is the Australian Christian Party full of bigots, but also lying dickheads.

There’s a reason we have (at least, theoretically) separation between church and state, and it’s to stop braindead idiots like the Australian Christian Party from going anywhere near positions of power, lest they drag us back into the Dark Ages and rape our civil liberties while nobody’s looking. Sure, a lot of religious fundamentalists are sad because they want secular countries like Australia and America to follow the more righteous path of all those great nations that serve God’s law, like Iran and Saudi Arabia. But they’ll have to suck it up, because without secularism, our country would be about as democratic as the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea, which by the way, is it’s actual name.

Unfortunately, you can’t restrict freedom of speech, because that would be fascism. But if you extend freedom of speech to apes, these are the results you’re going to get. That’s why we have to implement my TITS program and get rid of all the idiots, so that there won’t be anyone left to vote for McCain or go to Nazi rallies. Hey, it’s either that, or we let them cause the apocalypse. I don’t really care. I’ll probably be dead by then.

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