“I don’t like the idea of Senator Obama giving his acceptance speech in front of 75,000 wildly cheering people. Seventy-five-thousand people at an outdoor sports palace, well, that’s something the Führer would have done.” - Ben Stein, believes the earth was created in 4004BC.

I see this argument. Hitler had big rallies. Obama has big rallies. Therefore, Obama is the next Hitler. Good point Ben Stein. I think you’re onto something. Let’s take this argument a little bit further.

Fat creationists aren’t the only ones catching on to this craze. The Obama-Hitler conspiracists have got quite a following, including Pastor James Manning, who actually said that “the same thing Hitler did to the Jews, Obama is going to do far worse.” How? Why? To who? He didn’t want to burden us with those trivial details, but otherwise it’s very convincing.

Not everyone who thinks Obama is Hitler is a religious nut. YouTube user, “cyclon85912” is a major proponent of the theory, and has dozens of videos of Obama’s speeches, but in a twist of genius, he’s dubbed them over with Hitler’s voice. Clever ploy! This cylcon sounds like a great guy. I’m sure he’s smooth with the ladies.

cyclon85912: Hey, I’m cyclon85912.
Hot Babe: Cyclon-what?
cyclon85912: Eighty-five thousand, nine-hundred and twelve.
Hot Babe: Right… so uh… what do you do for fun?
cyclon85912: In my spare time, I like to omit the letter ‘e’ at the end of words denoting tropical storms. When I’m not doing that, I make videos about Barack Obama and his resemblance to Adolf Hitler. Wanna make out?

I mean this as no offence to Mr 85912 – his videos are strongly compelling evidence that Obama is the next Hitler. Of course, Obama is the only politician I’ve ever heard about that gives political speech or holds rallies. I assume the last 42 presidents just handed around flyers.

To be honest, I’ve never fully trusted Obama. They say his mother’s white, but he looks pretty damn black to me. Is he black? Is he white? We really don’t know. Remind you of anyone? That’s right. Michael Jackson. Don’t take my word for it, I have evidence.

“Everything must be different!” said Hitler. “Let’s bring change to the White House,” said Obama. They both promised change. Coincidence? I think not. – The American Thinker (Oxymoron? I think so.)

So Obama, a child molester? Probably. But I’m not so convinced that he’s Hitler. Somehow, I think there’s a slight difference in policy between socialising healthcare and invading Poland, but- Hold on. The Democrats want to socialise healthcare. The National Socialists wanted to nationalsocialise healthcare. The Democrats like killing babies by keeping abortion legal. The Nazis liked killing babies too. The Democrats want to increase taxes, probably to fund their war against Poland. It all makes sense now! Obama is Hitler!

This would probably be a good time to mention one of my own conspiracy theories. I won’t spoil it for you, because I’m going to devote a separate website to it, but let’s just say, this one particular Aryan has got some explaining to do:

“I believe that Obama is showing many characteristics of the Beast. He is exhibiting signs of the Antichrist.” – Reverend Daniel Blair.

I’m going to stick with my Hitler theory, thank you Mr Blair, but just for intellectual purposes, let’s consider this argument. We know that Obama can’t be the Antichrist, because Obama is a Muslim, and according to Jerry Falwell, the Antichrist is “probably alive today and definitely a Jewish male”. We know Jerry Falwell is right because he is an Evangelist, so he doesn’t get his news from CNN and ABC like the rest of us, he gets it straight from the Lord Almighty. On a side note, the same applies to Pat Robertson, who’s the author of one of my favourite quotes of all time:

“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”

Either way, we don’t need reverends to tell us what’s right and what’s wrong and predict the future for us. We have our own magic-eight ball. It’s called the Book of Revelations:

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns. And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

One presidential term is 48 months! That’s only six months more than forty and two! Sure, John missed the head-count by six heads, but… Wait! Six heads. Obama has six heads less then he’s meant to, and he’s going to serve for six months more. It balances out! Obama is the Antichrist!

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