If the name Lara Bingle rings a bell, it’s because she was the spokesperson of Australia’s failed tourism campaign for Britain, “Where the bloody hell are you?” As it turns out, the British don’t like disclosing their “bloody whereabouts”, which doesn’t surprise me, because promoting Australian tourism to the British using slightly inappropriate language is like promoting it to the Middle East using a cartoon of Muhammad riding a kangaroo.

Since Australia only has about three celebrities, the definition of the word “scandal” becomes a bit loose. The latest “scandal” is about a man who recently sold a naked picture he took of Lara Bingle four years ago to “Woman’s Day”. Lara’s fiancé Michael Clarke dumped her over it, which seems pretty reasonable until you actually see the photo:

Michael Clarke, the emotion you are witnessing is called “surprise”. It occurs when a person is caught unawares, in situations like being sexually harassed in the shower. That’s right, when your bride-to-be is the victim of abuse, dumping her is the way to go.

But if there’s one thing funnier than a women’s magazine committing and encouraging an act of sexual harassment by publishing the naked photo, it’s that Lara Bingle sold her story to that same magazine for $200,000 and decided to play the feminist card in her tear-filled interview. You know the old classic:

Q: How come when a woman sleeps with lots of men she’s a slut, but when a man sleeps with lots of women he’s a player.

I once read an amazing response to this question:

A: If a lock can be opened by lots of keys, it’s a faulty lock. If a key can open lots of locks, it’s a master key.

That’s a good one, but Lara, I have a better explanation for you. First, think about the process a woman has to go through to have sex with a man…

Now compare this with what a man has to go through to have sex with a woman…

So next time you hear a woman using that clichéd argument, tell her to put down the flaming bra and look at my website. Oh, and if there are any perverts in the audience, submit some photos to Woman’s Day, I’m sure they’d love to publish them.

Edit (29/10/10): Having met Lara Bingle I find her to be a nice girl and take back everything bad I might have said about her.

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